Script segments 4-15-97 Star Trek Voyager Episode: Coda Adaptation by Patti Keiper Original script written by Jeri Taylor E-mail me: Pattik1@hotmail.com, theaterhost@voyagerliveaction.com Screen grab Gallery Site for Coda : http://www.geocities.com/voyagerliveaction/coda.html Website for Voyagerliveaction Star Trek Theater http://www.voyagerliveaction.com/oldhome.html Summary : Fictionalized version of the television episode Coda from Season Three of Star Trek Voyager.. Rated For all ages.. (If you saw it on the air, it is in this story..) It's a Captain Janeway episode. Won't give it away. You're gonna haveta read it to find out why we decided to analyze its plot. It's a complex one. More vivid than the real episode. Awarded fiction piece. --------------------------------------------------------------- STV episode : Coda Captain Janeway was feeling particularly charged after a privately treasured cup of Jamaican Dark and cinnamon. She fairly flew down the corridor with her impatience to get on with the nucleotide collection mission she and Chakotay would conduct on a nearby gas world. The current stretch of space Voyager had recently encountered had proved to be especially benign so she had given herself and her first officer a respite from the bridge in the form of a shuttle manned survey. It was a chance to sharpen her science skills of spectography and bioanalysis. Kathryn heard hurrying footsteps behind her and suspected who it might be even before she turned around. "Oh, uh, captain! Do you have a minute?" Neelix puffed, straining to keep pace with her. "Just about a minute, " she surmised without stopping, "I'm on my way to the shuttlebay." Neelix beamed, greatly encouraged by Janeway's receptivity, "I thought last night went well, didn't you?" Kathryn's expression was a mix of smug satisfaction and a touch of embarrassment at the rekindled memory, "Extremely well. Everyone had a lot of fun." "I was thinking of making it a regular feature say, uh, once a month?" Neelix ventured. Her stride unbroken, the captain sighed, "It's certainly worth a try." Neelix noticed she was hurrying him a little, still all business . He laid on the sugar, thick, chuckling, "Heh, now captain... You were especially GOOD last night." "Thanks, Neelix. It's been a while." she started to smile. Neelix's pounce fizzled into uncertainty, "You'd never know.. Ah,...captain,..uh,..Do you eh, ah, think.. I ah,.. I-I I mean,..ah,. I-I-I was wondering.. uh, eh, eh, eh--" Captain Janeway stopped in her tracks realizing that the little Talaxian had confidential information to impart, "What is it, Neelix?" There was a brief moment of silence, then he took a breath and came out with it, "Could you possibly keep Mr. Tuvok busy on the bridge that evening?" Her eyes narrowed with amusement and then glanced quickly around to be sure that they weren't being overheard. Kathryn leaned forward, "I'm sure something could be arranged...." She entered a nearby turbolift, leaving Neelix behind, "Our secret, Neelix.." she warned. The Talaxian cook was the picture of discretion and decorum, "We never had this discussion..." The turbolift doors closed on his wave. Neelix was feeling really good. His grin went huge for he felt like he had just saved the crew. He chuckled. A verbal art form in the hands of Mr. Vulcan was truly a terrifying thing to behold. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- En route in the shuttle Sacajawea conversation was lively. Chakotay manned navigation and casually adjusted their flight while he talked, "Harry's clarinet solo was o.k. I could have done without Tuvok's reading of Vulcan poetry... But, the highlight of the evening was definitely Kathryn Janeway portraying the dying swan." The so complimented captain could barely contain an embarrassed giggle, "I learned that dance when I was six years old. I assure you it was the hit of the beginning ballet class." Chakotay grinned, "I don't doubt it. If Neelix has another talent night, I hope you reprise it." "Oh, no.. Not until other people take their turn... the ship's first officer, for instance?" she suggested. Chakotay was barely ruffled, though he managed, "Me? Get up in front of people and perform? I don't think so." Janeway didn't let up for one instant, "Come on, Chakotay. There must be some talent you have that people might enjoy.." she bit her lip, thinking...."Maybe I could stand with an apple on my head and you could phaser it off." Her second chuckled at the idea, "Sounds great. If I miss, I get to be captain." Janeway laughed stretching in her chair... Sacajawea unexpectedly weaved off course. Chakotay's quick check identified the problem, "Atmospheric turbulance. We might be in for a rough landing." She frowned."Funny, a minute ago there wasn't any indication of rough weather." "I'm reading even more severe storms near the surface." he reported. An intense bolt of blue light across their viewport windows made both Starfleet officers wince painfully. Janeway read her sensors, "Ion lightning. Maybe we better try the fifth planet instead and come back here when things have cleared up." Another bolt assaulted their eyes as well as the shuttle. Sparks flew and a klaxon began to sound from their stations panel. Smoke issued from a fused conduit, filling the air with the stench of ozone. Chakotay hunched down but maintained his place at the con, "I think we took a lightning hit. Attitude control is out." "I'm switching to manual." Janeway countered. The shuttle rocked wildly and once more the bluish fire gripped them. A thick plume of chemical fog erupted from one bulkhead, obscuring their view. More warning indicators flashed on. Chakotay became worried, realizing that they were now in over their heads. He shouted to be heard over the hissing gases behind them, "The navigational system is out!" he yelled in frustration. Janeway's concentration was absolute, "Reverse engines! Full thrusters!" The main computer activated, "Warning! Hydrozine gas leak." Janeway clung to her console, "Altitude twelve kilometers. Hull temperature four thousand degrees. We have to reduce speed!" Chakotay nodded, finding a green light at last, "I'll try the emergency anti-grav thrusters!" Outside, the angry, boiling gray clouds disgorged their prize over a jagged mountain range. The shuttle resisted the shear feebly, fishtailing as she fell out of the sky. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- The murky fog lifted, spitting dry lightning which cut through the gloom revealing that Sacajawea was intact and on the ground. Violated com panels flickered eerily in the dark interrupted only by the bolts of energy erupting in the sky. Vapor continued to seep into the cabin. It was the only sound inside. Commander Chakotay awoke sprawled across his console. He shook his head to clear it and suddenly remembered where he was. He glanced over to the other pilot's chair but found it empty. Looking behind him, he felt a thrill of dread. Captain Janeway was lying on the floor and ugly gash on her head. She was directly beneath the jet of escaping gas. That wasn't a good thing. Chakotay tried to stand and instantly regretted it for countless aches and bruises made themselves known. He bit down his pain and called out to her. "Kathryn..." He crawled to her side, feeling for signs of movement. "Kathryn!" Her skin was sweaty making in difficult to find a heartbeat at her wrist. He placed a hand at her neck, searching. He wasn't even sure if she was breathing. "Kathryn!" She remained still and silent. Alarmed, he hastily reached for the medkit on the wall. Fumbling with the catches, he snatched out a medical tricorder and scanned her. All readings were registering at zero. No vital signs. She was dead. "No!" he cried. --------------------------------------------------------------- Chakotay had no idea how long he had been unconscious after the crash or how long Kathyrn had been without oxygen but he wasn't going to just give up without a fight. Quickly, he set into action to save her life. He injected a hypospray of cordrazine at the base of her throat. Normally the drug restored heartbeat and breathing instantaneously but he saw no immediate change in her condition. Chakotay would have to revive Kathryn using much older methods he half recalled learning from the Maquis. A mechanical tone sounded and the computer came on line, "Warning! Hydrozine gas levels at 112 parts per million. Begin evacuation procedures." The commander swore. He couldn't work on the captain here. The poisonous fumes were too high. Chakotay knew now that they had to get out or the gas leak would quickly incapacitate him, too. He pulled the outer hatch release and swung the medkit by its straps across his back, dragging the captain to the open hatchway by her shoulders. It was a gale at the edge of the ramp. Chakotay gathered her up into his arms and peered out into the storm. The constant lightning strikes were dangerously close. He'd have to find cover for them both before he could effectively treat Kathryn. He saw a cliff a short distance away and a crevasse. Panting, he made his way over the rocks with her as fast as he could trying not to think of the time slipping away. He kept looking down at her and at the ground, hastily keeping outcroppings from hitting her head or tripping his feet. The bolting energy in the sky made his perspective dizzying at best. Shifting the captain's weight within a numbing grip, Chakotay ducked and hurried into the stony grotto he had found. Inside, there was light enough to see and the wind's force was greatly reduced by the overhanging boulders. Chakotay set Janeway down in the first open area he saw. "Hang on, Kathryn." he said as he threw the medkit on the grass by her head. Her color was horrible, her skin a muddy blue. Was he too late? he wondered. It was a thought which sliced through his heart and left him cold. The commander took a couple of deep breaths and opened her mouth by tilting Kathryn's head back. The stench of hydrozine was strong on her uniform and hair and almost made him cough but he made a good seal over her lips blew out hard. He felt his breath go into her lungs easily. Her throat hadn't swelled shut from the gas as he had feared might have happened. Chakotay breathed for her once more and moved to her chest, starting the CPR measures he had never had to use before. "Breathe! Damn it, breathe!!" he shouted as he counted out the chest compressions in his head. "Don't you die on me now. Come on, Kathryn. Breathe!" Chakotay could feel his own fatigue, his own fear as he worked. His own breathing came in painful gasps. Pausing, he leaned down and gave her another huge breath, wondering if he was doing things right, wondering if the compressions were circulating any of her blood at all. Her face was still pale, her lips blue. There was no way of knowing if she was responding. Chakotay didn't want to waste any more time to get out the medical tricorder again to check. "Listen to me, Kathryn. You've got to breathe. Please! Breathe!" Desperate, he began to push down harder each time, "Come on! Come on!" Then he remembered the cordrazine. Before he knew it, the hypo was in his hand and had activated against her neck. Kathryn flushed, reacted powerfully, and began choking. "Yes!" he breathed. He tossed away the hypo and carefully held her head back and she attempted to inhale. It was the most beautiful sound in the world. Chakotay felt a huge weight shatter and fall away from him and he felt himself smile. Janeway started, she wasn't alone anymore. On a deep level, Kathryn knew who was beside her, "Chakotay...." She said and subsided into moans as she became aware of her sore head and body. She concentrated on getting as much of the cool, fresh air into her as she could manage. The burning pain in her chest began to recede. Chakotay could hardly believe the rapid pulse he found under her jaw. He checked down her sternum to see if he had injured her at all. But she was breathing well, without the distress of broken ribs. He felt her hand hit his arm as she struggled to focus. He took her hand into his own as if it were an anchor. Kathryn was alive and conscious. He felt his mind snap back into place, "Don't ever do that to me again." he sighed in relief, gripping her hand tightly. He held her head still to ease her discomfort. Janeway had guessed what had happened to her judging from the dull pain sitting in her throat and chest, "Thanks." she gasped, though a question remained in her eyes. Chakotay got out the subdural inducer and ran its healing rays over the gash on her forehead, "You went into shock." he said being intentionally vague, "You gave me quite a scare there for a minute. This should help reduce your cranial swelling." He stopped talking for a moment while he caught his breath, "You should have a headache for a while." Captain Janeway counted her blessings, "I'll live with it." she joked, knowing that she couldn't take any pain killers with a head injury. Chakotay watched her closely as he packed up the medkit and drew out his field tricorder for a proximity scan. He wanted to know what other surprises the planet had in store for them. Kathryn needed further treatment as well. He wasn't convinced they could wait for help much longer without some risk to her. He pulled off his combadge, "We need to set up a homing signal." he said, thinking aloud. Muzzy, the captain groaned as she started to sit up. Chakotay restrained her still not knowing how badly she was injured, "Hey, take it easy." he warned. Janeway laid back down and reassured him, "I'm all right... Chakotay, we're going to need the blankets," her voice dissolved into a cough, ".. and the rations." Chakotay rocked back onto his heels, glad to see she was thinking so clearly, "I can get them. You set up the homing signal." He pressed the badge and tools into her hand, "Here." Kathryn closed her eyes, catching her breath for a moment. Chakotay cradled her face in one hand to see if she was recovered enough to be alone for a short time. She met his gaze evenly to show she was ready to help out. Convinced, the first officer let her go, "At least the storm seems to be dying." he noticed. Janeway nodded, agreeing with him, "Hmmm." --------------------------------------------------------------- Chakotay trotted off for the shuttle, carrying his tricorder before him. Captain Janeway waited for its lights to fade before she attempted to sit up. She didn't bother to suppress the cry that slipped out when she did. Every joint throbbed only slightly less than her head. She had probably got into trouble by being too close to the bulkhead leak after she had been thrown to the floor. Hydrozine gas interrupted autonomic nerve function and was most likely responsible for why her heart had stopped beating. It was working perfectly now, hammering so loudly that she could hear it in her ears. Chakotay probably needed to use a double dose of stimulant to get her going again. She leaned backward against the cool stone cliff, delicately adjusting the components inside the combadge. She now had a better understanding of how close she had come to dying if it hadn't been for Chakotay's timely intervention. She shuddered. She'd find something more than just a letter of commendation with which to thank him when they both got home to Voyager. Chakotay reentered the shuttle only after noticing the breach suppression systems had come back on line. He quickly gathered up the food and blankets they would need and hurried outside. A peculiar glint caught his eye on the hull just to the side of the door. A numbing realization struck him just then; the marks were man-made and not naturally inflicted ones. He scanned them long enough to confirm his worst nightmare. He returned to the copse at a run. Janeway had noticed his scanning sweep, "What were you looking at?" she asked. Chakotay laid his bundle down beside her, "There are phaser burns on the hull. I don't think it was lightning strikes that hit us. I think we were shot down." The captain was surprised, "By whom?" "I don't know. I'm going back to see if I can get an energy signature from the burns. " he offered. An icy thought entered Kathryn's mind, "Chakotay. The homing signal....We might be telling someone just where to find us." "Disconnect it while I scan the shuttle." He ran back the way he had come. Captain Janeway's mind raced as she attempted to stand. She managed, ..just. The shooting pain in her head was more than just a little ache. She would be glad for the doctor's ministrations when all this was over, she thought. Trailing moans, she weaved unsteadily to Chakotay's side, "Can you tell anything?" "The signatures are Vidian." he replied. Kathryn immediately drew her phaser, "Vidian? I thought we had moved beyond their space." "If they shot us down, you can be sure they'll be coming for us." He moved away from the lit interior of the shuttle, scanning in a circle around them, "We need to find a hiding place." An anomolous reading sounded a proximity alert. "What is it?" she asked. "Lifeforms. Fifty meters from here. They're coming this way." Chakotay, too, drew out his phaser. Janeway wasn't about to be easy prey, "Let's go." They headed for the plains. A second proximity warning halted them in their tracks. Chakotay fine-tuned his tricorder, "There's another group in this direction." The two ragged officers turned towards the cliffs once more. Chakotay shook his head in frustration, "We're surrounded!" Janeway didn't hesitate as she made her way into the shadows, "Let's take cover. We'll have to fight." At the last moment, she and Chakotay found a cave system nestled a short distance away. They flanked each other shoulder to shoulder, their phasers before them as they made their way deeper into the caves. The ambush could come at any time, Chakotay thought grimly. A crunch of stone ended all doubt. Several Vidiian soldiers appeared on the left, the green glow of their paralyzers illuminating their patchwork faces. Janeway made a stand, "Back off now! We'll fire if we have to." Her voice lied to her ears. It wasn't commanding. Fear had taken its sting. Her first officer waited, breathing hard. Another rockfall trickled and Chakotay found himself face to face with a second hostile group. For a moment, everyone was silent. He shifted his phaser's line of sight onto the new group. Janeway's shout was pure acid, "Back off!!" A verdant beam lanced out of the dark slicing across Chakotay's shoulder. She saw him fall. She suffered a moment's hesitation, turning to him, "Chakotay!" she cried out. A fierce weight slammed into her back, knocking the phaser out of Kathryn's grip. A band of steel cut off her breathing. She struggled, rollling the two of them against a rocky shelf. Red haze glittered within her sight as her mind began to starve for lack of air. An animal panic made her fight. Her numb hands bounced uselessly off of the Vidiian's skull. Then a blood vessel strained beyond tolerance burst in her head and Kathryn's consciousness melted away.... -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- Sacajawea hummed softly between the stars carrying its two occupants in Starfleet red toward the gas world full of nucleotides. Commander Chakotay only half saw the planet on his viewscreen. He was too engrossed in his own conversation to pay it any mind, "Harry's clarinet solo was o.k.....I could have done without Tuvok's reading of Vulcan poetry,...." Chakotay admitted. Kathryn chortled in her seat. Her first officer grinned, "But, the highlight of the evening was definitely Kathryn Janeway portraying the dying swan." "I learned that dance when I was six years old. I assure y--" The captain broke off, an unsettling deja vu permeated the air. Her mouth went dry, "Wait a minute. What's happening here?" Chakotay was also shaken, "You're right. We have been here before." An odd thought totally unrelated to their current discussion wormed its way into Kathryn's head, "Do you remember Vidiians?" Chakotay's eyes widened as he, too, seemed to skip a track, "Yes, they shot us down and attacked us." The strange shared memory brought the analyst in Janeway to the foreground, "We may have wandered into some kind of repeating time loop. I'm going to scan for temporal anomolies." Chakotay offered sound advice, "Whatever's going on, let's change tactics. This time, let's try not to land on that planet." Deep inside, he didn't know why he had just said what he did. He knew only that when he had glanced at Janeway just then, he had felt a sick apprehension of foreboding that was very real however unjustified it seemed to be. Janeway saw a twist of emotion that was unreadable on Chakotay's face. Focusing inward, she caught a glimmer of... blackness in her mind when she thought of the planet at all. Something very bad was going to happen to her. That much was certain. She set course away from the gray world, "Agreed." she nodded. "I don't see any evidence of temporal flux or any kind of anomaly for that matter." Chakotay's long distance sweep concluded, "Or Vidiian ships." Janeway grinned tightly, "So far so good." The time to remain alone was over. Chakotay opened up a standard hail, "Chakotay to Voyager." No welcoming crackle greeted them. He repeated himself, "Do you read us?" --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Janeway sighed, "We're out of range." Swallowing around her tight throat she said, "I'd still like to really know what happened to us. Send a subspace message that we won't be landing on the planet. Tell them that we'll be looking for evidence of temporal anomalies." A perimeter alert warbled stridently. Janeway called up the imformation on her screen, "I see a ship approaching at high impulse. It's on an intercept course." Chakotay qualmed, "Is it Vidiian?" "Yes." she confirmed. Chakotay began to hate his memory of the attack. The first officer calibrated his screen to match what data Janeway was receiving, "I've got it. It's a warship loaded with weaponry. It's closing fast." The captain considered options, "Can we outrun it?" Chakotay was game, "We could try." And ugly, spindled starship rippled out of warp to hover over the small shuttlecraft just completing an evasion turn. It began to dog the fleeing ship; only a dot before it. Janeway didn't like what she was reading before her, "They're two hundred thousand kilometers away and gaining." Chakotay chose a plan, "Setting evasive pattern Delta Four." Janeway's voice rose another notch, "They're powering weapons. Shields up! Stand by all phaser arrays." The Vidiian ship pirate's forward weapons bay began to glow ominously. Then the green fire leaped free to envelop Sacajawea. Janeway and Chakotay were buffeted violently against their consoles multiple times. Chakotay was grim, "Shields down to eighty four percent." Janeway launched a counterattack, "Returning fire!" Scarlet beams sliced the intervening space between them before arching into the exposed center of the Vidiian vessel. The raiders' shields flickered and the hull beneath rocked from the shots for a long moment. Then the enemy slipped out of range. Chakotay grinned like a hawk, "Nice aim!" Janeway wasn't satisfied, "It didn't stop them." The return fire was fiercesome. Bulkheads groaned and began to buckle under stress. Several companels burst into smoke. Chakotay shouted over the screeching whine, "We've lost shields!" Captain Janeway reciprocated, "Firing starboard array!!" The Vidiians next shot jolted her hand away from the controls before she could commit her coordinates. Both were bucked nearly entirely away from their stations. The damage report information was coming in all too clear. Chakotay growled, "That one hit the reaction injectors!" "Shut them down! They'll leak anti-matter!" Janeway ordered. Another barrage jarred Sacajawea and this time did not ease. Chakotay's voice was strained, "The magnetic fields are failing! The gas flow separators are down!"" Janeway turned from her panel, "Dump the core!" Time seemed to slow. Green plasma mingled with the red only briefly before their violated energies flared a hundred fold. Sacajawea imploded into fragments..... --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Then reality skipped and suddenly, Janeway and Chakotay faced each other once more in an undamaged ship. Their only horror being a hideous realization that they both should have been very dead. Kathryn shook off a vague paralysis, "It's looking more and more like we're in a time loop. The question is, how do we break it?" Chakotay looked equally stunned, "Let's retrace our steps. Get back to that part of space we were in before all this started happening." "Agreed." she said. "If we are experiencing a temporal field.. A tachyon burst might disperse it." Her hands flew over the controls. A soft tone announced a sensor contact on her screen. Chakotay.." she began. He called on an unfamiliar hauch. "Let me guess. It's a Vidiian ship." "Two Vidiian ships, " she verified, "Still twenty million kilometers away but headed right for us.." Her anger grew. Their location was known so Chakotay toggled a switch, "Sacajawea to Voyager, do you read us?" The audio pickups crackled, "....just come into comrange, commander." Chakotay couldn't help grinning. Tuvok's rich baritone was welcome. The first officer filled him in, abbreviating, "We're being pursued by two Vidiian ships. Set a course for our shuttle and have weapons powered." Captain Janeway added more, "We also believe we are experiencing some kind of temporal phenomenon, a time loop. Make certain you scan for anomalies." She wasn't about to have her ship risking the same deja vu trap she was in. She trusted Mr. Paris' uncanny piloting skills to keep things safe. Tuvok was efficient, "Aye, captain. We're on our way." Chakotay felt a real sense of urgency, heightened by the strange memories that he knew couldn't be real, "If you are going to emit that tachyon burst, you'd better do it now. In a couple of minutes, those ships will be right on top of us." Janeway finished the final algorithm, "Here goes." A ring of light fled Sacajawea and a blue nimbus expanded into space along all points from her center array. The effect dampened out Kathryn's sensors, "I can't tell if it's effecting anything." Chakotay was still tracking live contacts, "The Vidiians are almost within range. Ready weapons." The two marauders separated to flank the shuttlecraft for the kill.....and shimmered into non-being. Chakotay blinked, "What happened?" "They just vanished." she answered, "But I am picking up a residual temporal signature." He nodded, "Then those ships must have been part of the time loop." Kathryn smiled. "And the tachyon burst disrupted it." Chakotay ws caught up in her relief, "Not a minute too soon. I was getting awfully tired of talking about talent night." The captain sighed, suddenly really glad to close that particular chapter of temporal shinannigans. Now, all she had to do was erase a couple of annoying overlapping half memories, and things would be back to normal. "Voyager to Sacajawea. We will rendevous with you in approximately four minutes." Tuvok updated. Janeway grinned, "Believe me, Tuvok. We're looking forward to it." ------------------------------------------------------------------- The turbo lift doors opened on Deck One aboard Voyager. The bridge crew turned to meet the new arrivals. Captain Janeway took in the sight of what was blissfully normal activity on deck. She and Chakotay made their way to the command area before the main viewer. Tuvok stepped forward, "Good to have you back, captain." "Good to be here. I'd still like to get the bottom of whatever was happening to us on that shuttle." She paused by the deck rail, "Did Voyager detect any evidence of a temporal field?" Tuvok regarded her carefully. She seemed healthy. He lifted a respectfully curious eyebrow but he answered her question, "To my knowledge, we did not." "Let's run a second level temporal scan. I'd feel better entering this part of space if I knew what caused the phenomenon." the captain decided. At the helm, Harry Kim and Tom Paris exchanged puzzled glances. B'Elanna Torres spoke from her science terminal, "Phenomenon? I'm not sure what you mean, captain." Janeway clarified, "The time loop, or whatever it was we ran into out there..." She looked to Chakotay to help her out. She didn't quite understand the incomprehension on his face. "Time loop?" her science officer asked. Janeway swept fingers through her hair. She looked around the cluster of officers surrounding her. "We told you. Chakotay and I experienced some kind of temporal loop. It involved the Vidiians. They'd attack and kill us and then we'd be sitting in the shuttle again..." she prompted Chakotay, "Tell them." The first officer looked confused but he spoke, "We were on our way to the second planet of the binary system..." Janeway agreed with the account, "... to collect some nitrogenase compound. But we encountered a storm and we crashed..." "And then we were attacked by the Vidiian but we managed to escape and get back here.." he nodded cautiously. Tuvok angled his head, "You and the commander were checked by the doctor, who treated your injuries. And you proceeded here to the bridge..." The rest of the bridge crew grew uncomfortable. "But I don't remember anything about a repeating time loop." Chakotay admitted. Kathryn's sense of normalcy shattered and a sick dread made her feel nauseated, "You don't remember how we kept ending up back in the shuttle talking about talent night?" She felt alienated among them. Janeway felt herself grip the rail in front of her, "Then I'm the only one who recalls things differently. Something strange is going on here. " She met Chakotay's worried look, "I'll have the doctor examine me." She pulled some semblance of control as she went back to the turbolift, "In the mean time, I still want those temporal scans." she commanded. Commander Chakotay noticed no work was getting done on the bridge, "You heard the captain. Let's get moving.." he snapped. Tom flashed a mock spooked look at Harry and swiveled back toward the forward viewscreen. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sickbay was empty except for the doctor and Captain Janeway. She couldn't help nervously clenching and unclenching her hands as she listened to his recollection of events. Then his manner changed. The crisp hologram exuded compassion, "I ran a microcellular scan after you returned to the ship. I have just analyzed the results." The doctor hesitated. Janeway did not look away, "What did you find?" "You have contracted the Vidiian Phage." "The Phage?" Her eyes widened in disbelief. Kathryn's world was rocked. She no longer seemed to feel the doctor's supporting hand on her arm. The phage was fatal. It would slowly eat every organ of her body unless she was prepared to harvest replacements for them from other sources. Of course, that wasn't an option open to her. She would never kill any of her crew to save herself. Then she suffered an even more horrifying thought, "What about Chakotay? Is he infected, too?" The doctor was a mix of gentleness and frustration, "No. Commander Chakotay shows no signs of the disease." "How did I get it?" she whispered. "You said one of the Vidiians grabbed you. It may be that the virus was transferred in that way." Kathryn was resolute, "But we've encountered Vidiians like that before and had physical contact with them... No one has ever gotten sick that way." Despair threatened to take her over. The doctor set down his computer padd, "I can't offer an explanation at this point. It may be that the phage virus has mutated to become more infectious. I believe, however, that this explains the hallucinations you've described." Kathryn felt a growing shell of disbelief around her. How had everything in her life come to this moment? Was it all going to end like this ? She was going to die a crippled invalid and leave her crew alone in the Delta Quadrant without her.. They had come so far. It was all so pointless. She barely heard the doctor's next words, "There is often concomitant stress to the thalamus in the early stages of the disease. It is known to cause a ..kind of dementia that produces hallucinations." The doctor paused, seeing that she was far away. Kathryn blinked, suddenly aware that he had stopped speaking, "What is the prognosis?" she heard herself ask automatically. "I wish I could tell you, captain. For the moment, it would be best if you remain in sickbay under quarantine." he suggested. He indicated that they should return to the patient care area of sickbay. The captain felt like a lamb, being herded, "Of course." There was little in his database that could deal with this particular circumstance, the doctor knew. The Vidiian phage was engineered. It had "smart" retroviral characteristics which defied conventional counter measures. And the peculiar flags on the captain's hematological scans indicated something more ominous to him. The doctor was unable to offer the captain hope, "The fact that the virus has ...acted so quickly raises the possibility that others on the crew may be infected." That last part was pure ice water to Kathryn. They were all in danger and Janeway felt responsible for that fact. She must have missed something. A selfish part in her flared to the foreground, "But you studied the phage in great detail. Have you made any progress in finding a cure?" The doctor looked pained, "I hadn't pursued the matter since we seemed to have moved beyond Vidiian space." Rules and protocols be damned, Janeway thought. If she hadn't been so carried away with all the day to day concerns of herself and her crew, and had spared more time to explore the doctor's interests and research, this apparent lack of knowledge wouldn't have happened. Kathryn faced away from him. The doctor didn't know how to handle her response and had to use a standard reassurance sub-routine to compensate, "But I'll now redouble my efforts.." he promised and moved to a pharmaceutical tray. "In the mean time,.. I'd like to give you a sedative." He frowned. The captain didn't appear that she had heard him, "Captain?" he called. Woodenly, she obeyed him and sat down on a biobed. The doctor programmed a hypospray and showed it to her. He felt the need to explain why he was taking her consciousness away while she was still fairly healthy, "I'll be running a series of deep level tissue scans." "I understand." she murmured as she stretched out onto the pillow. He injected the medication into her bloodstream, "There. That should give you a good night's sleep. I'll erect a bioforce field and I promise you, captain, I won't deactivate myself until I have some answers for you." He started to move away. Captain Janeway shook off induced numbness long enough to reach out and grab his arm, "Doctor, I know I'm in good hands." He returned a faint smile. When he had gone, unreality came down in force. It wasn't fair. After two years in command of two hundred or so lives and countless victories incurred in spite of the stacked odds against their continued survival, Janeway found herself dying from a germ contracted in a nonexistent time loop.. She tried to laugh and almost began to cry. She had fought so hard. And now the control she so prized was in someone else's hands. Sighing, her head spun in a thick fog and she closed her eyes. A curtain of sparkles erected itself around her. Surrendering, Captain Janeway relinquished herself to the drug's artificial night. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Kathryn awoke to semidarkness. A thin fever was making her shiver and she was aware of areas of numbness on her face. She touched plastifoam sealant on her cheek and forehead, covering wounds.. She was up and out of bed without thinking, "Doctor..." The hologram left the office alcove and hurried to her side, "Ah, you're awake." Kathryn then realized that her duty uniform was gone and replaced by a sterile gown. Her hair was tangled, smelling of sweat, and loose behind her. She attempted to get her bearings, asking, "How long have I been asleep?" "Almost forty hours." he answered, adjusting controls on his computer near her. "Forty?" she exclaimed. She put a hand up to her face to wipe away moisture and stopped when she saw the lesions on her skin. The doctor had a time bomb to impart, "I'm afraid this strain of the phage is particularly virulent. It's spreading rapidly." It was all happening a little too fast. There was so much to do. Where was Commander Chakotay and Tuvok? she thought. Surely, they'd want to know how she was doing. But the doctor had made no mention of that at all. Then she shook her head. This was a ridiculous line of thought and a little paranoid of her. Of course they had been apprised of her situation. It was in the EMH's program directives. Kathryn paced the floor restlessly but was forced to slow when weakness made her out of breath, "Have you?....Is there any hope of a cure?" The doctor's face was a mask, "I regret to inform you that I have been unsuccessful." Janeway tried to fold her arms and straighten her stance, but at the movement, pain flared. She hunched over and began to walk nervously back and forth, "Then what's the next step?" The expression on the doctor's face was most peculiar. One that Kathryn had never seen before, "I've given that a great deal of thought. The prospects are unpleasant, captain. You face a lingering, painful death...marked by increasing periods of dementia and eventual insanity." A sick stab of morbid humor coursed through Kathryn briefly as she silently wished the original programmers of the EMH to hell for the parody of the bedside manner she was currently hearing, "I see..." The doctor appeared resolved and he regarded her with bland professionalism, "I've come to the conclusion that there is only one humane course of action." Janeway forced herself to focus on him, "And what's that?" she whispered. The doctor's face was stone, "Euthanasia." Kathryn froze in place, ice in her chest, "What?!" The hologram was matter of fact, "It would be wrong to subject you to such a prolonged and painful death. The crew would also be adversely effected if that were to happen." He calmly operated computer keys while he completely destroyed Kathryn's personal reality. This was like a terrible nightmare, perverse and gross. She paced as a caged animal, with an intense gaze locked onto the doctor. She groped for straws, "Surely there are other options to explore, doctor. B'Elanna's DNA for instance. It's coded to produce antibodies against the phage." Fear began to gnaw her. "Klingon DNA might provide a vaccine for the disease but not a cure. I'm sorry, captain,..." The doctor looked away from her to the back wall, "The space within the force field is filling with a neural toxin. It is fast acting and restful." Janeway's fear heightened to a shocked desperation, "Turn it off.. That's an order, doctor!!" He didn't appear to have heard her at all. His voice delivered a quiet account, "Please relax and take deep breaths. It will be over more quickly that way." Janeway stifled her breathing reflex as the first tendrils of antiseptic musk suffocated her. She used the air that was left, "Computer, delete emergency medical hologram." She fought the urge to inhale, making her way around the bed, searching for a gap in the field. But its tingle was everywhere... The overhead monitor issued the computer's voice, "A security code is required for that command." Kathryn risked a small intake and gasped when numbness seared her lungs, "Security code.. Janeway Lambda Three." The computer chimed, "That code is not recognized." Her mind panicked. The EMH had compromised the mortality failsafe mechanism, "I'm the captain. Delete the EMH--!..." An uncontrolled reflex seized her lungs, making Kathryn breath fire. The computer repeated its mode, "A security code is required for that command." She staggered against an equipment cart, spilling surgical tools onto the floor, her limbs turning to jelly. Her momentum carried her beyond the bed to sprawl onto the lush carpeting. Captain Janeway looked up at the doctor who was watching her with a clinical detachment mixed with a mild fascination at her struggle to prolong what he thought was a kind and easy death. Then air hunger clamped down and Kathryn drew in a huge, shuddering gasp of cloying mist. Her eyes blurred, "Don't do this!" she implored, "It isn't right..." She slipped into an uncontrolled convulsion as she tried to breathe in nothing. Then the wings of oblivion carried her into an endless sleep and the world was shut out forever. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The quiet sounds of talking sensors let Commander Chakotay know that the proper calibrations to the shuttle's systems had been made. He was in a fine mood, remembering Neelix's amateur talent night from the prior evening. He got set to share with his captain, his very thoughts on the matter. Smiling, he returned to his seat beside Captain Janeway's. A spectre of recursion beat its awful cadence. "Chakotay....." she qualmed. "I know." he shivered. "We're back." A bright aura flared to life on their viewscreen. It's pure white energy made their eyes sting. "That's it." Janeway started to her feet, "That must be the anomaly. That's what's behind all this." Chakotay thought at first that the contact was a ship. But the facts stated otherwise, "It's exerting a gravitomagnetic force." he reported. Time called from the past. Janeway obeyed her instincts, "We've got to get away from it. Divert all power to the engines. Her first officer was quick to respond, "Changing course!" The helm shook at the change, "We're still being drawn toward it." Kathryn stabbed her board fiercely, "Reverse engines full power." The shuttle seemed to shrink from the twisting apparition for a long moment. A damage alarm sang out. "Structural integrity is weakening." Chakotay warned. "Reinforce the hull!" she cried. Captain Janeway shunted half her energy store into the shuttle's main frame. Stress whines steadily increased in pitch and volume. Chakotay glanced at her sideways, "Captain, maybe we should go in." His voice was filled to the brim with uncharacteristic urgency, "Listen to me.... Maybe we're doing this all wrong. Maybe the thing to do is to fly into it!" Janeway tuned him out. The danger out there was very real and very near. Her mind told her that, "No! I don't believe that. We've got to get away." Chakotay faced toward her, shouting to be heard over the increasing roar of the engines, "It's going to tear the shuttle apart! The hull is breaching!!" Janeway clung to her board fighting with every ounce when the light spat nova bright knives into her eyes... -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She was here. They had crashed and she wasn't alive anymore. The commander had managed to get free of the poisonous air of the shuttle with the captain, but not before she had died from exposure to the hydrozine fumes. Now, in shelter away from the plasma storm, he was overcome with terror that it might already be too late to save her. Chakotay was being blinded by lightning flash so he found his orientation to her head by feel. Shaking and exhausted, he sent another set of breaths deep into her lungs at the start of his ninth compression cycle. Time wrenched and suddenly, Janeway was standing over Chakotay's shoulder looking down. She wondered who he was trying to save when he straightened up. The face she looked into was her own... "Don't die on me, Kathryn!" his voice was a lance through her. Janeway watched him struggle to keep going and realized he was performing old style cardiac resuscitation even with the Type III medkit nearby. There was a cortical stimulator inside of it, unused, "Chakotay, what's happening?" Chakotay seemed to answer, "Start breathing!" Until he got some sign of life, he knew he couldn't use electronic means to revive her. It would be ineffective without rudimentary impulses. He didn't know why the cordrazine had failed a second time... He didn't want to know, for not knowing gave him hope that he could still bring her back... It was hard for her to watch. Time and again, his sweaty hands would slip and the regular tempo would falter. But he kept on working, "Breathe! Damn it, breathe!!" he pleaded, keeping up a steady stream of encouragement to Kathryn's still form. Janeway was somehow riveted in place, a helpless spectator in full view of her own demise. She watched Chakotay, trying to reason how she came to be apart from him. His compressions were weakening, "Don't do this to me, Kathryn. " he gasped, "Come on, Kathryn. Breathe!!" Janeway blinked. His voice had changed. She looked at Chakotay's face and was startled to find wet tears illuminated by the lightning. She had to let him know that she was all right, "Can't you hear me?" The commander was in his own private hell, "Don't you die on me.... Come on, breathe!!" He was near the end of his own endurance. His own injuries were making themselves felt with every heartbeat he created. He forced himself to concentrate, not seeing the Janeway next to him, "Kathryn, listen to me,..... you have to breathe." He readjusted his hand placement. Janeway could see that he was tiring. She was about to speak again when she saw great despair suddenly wash over him, "Start breathing!" he screamed. Then Janeway saw what he had seen; the readouts from the open medical tricorder on the ground near him were registering ...no... brain activity. His mind told him the awful truth and his strength began to fail him. Chakotay tried harder even as he realized that he was already giving up, "Come on, " he begged, "Come on!!!" Everything they had shared together; their shoreleaves, their bridge shifts, and even their most mundane daily log ran before his eyes. Then all of it was lost and grief flooded over him.. He gave one last breath to Kathryn. Then he stopped.... He picked her up and held her close to him as hot tears burned down his skin, "Oh, Kathryn! .....You can't die...." At those words Janeway suddenly understood. She was experiencing a near death encounter. If she could somehow show Chakotay that her consciousness was still nearby, maybe he would set her down and try again, "Chakotay,...I'm here..." Subconsciously, she reached out a hand.... and it passed right through his shoulder.....Janeway was a ghost. She felt insubstantial as he gently lay her body out onto the grass and held one of its hands. "Voyager to Sacajawea. Do you read us?" It was Tuvok. Chakotay felt hope flicker, "Yes, Voyager. How far are you? I have an emergency here." Tuvok replied, "We're in orbit, commander. We've located you but transporters won't function in the storm. A shuttle is on its way to the surface now." Chakotay felt tears overflow anew as he shared his knowledge, "The captain's dead. We have to get her to back to sickbay. The doctor may still be able to revive her." Tuvok's response was immediate, "The away team should be with you in minutes." "Acknowledged." He looked down into his captain's face. Chakotay knew that if help arrived within four minutes, Kathryn would live again. He began to shiver in the cold and he began to doubt. The commander clung tight to her palm, unaware that the incorporeal Janeway was right beside him, infusing him with hope, "I know you can't see me or hear me. I don't know what's going on. But I am here, Chakotay. I'm not dead." Chakotay studied his grip on her hand. He made a promise, "Kathryn, we're going to get you back..." ----------------------------------------------------------------------- The spectral Janeway watched silently. The medical team swirled around a tight center. Kathryn's body lay on a biobed beneath them. The blood had spread from the gash on her forehead. It meant that Chakotay had been partially successful in getting bloodflow to her brain for there were now some neural pathways registering. The doctor wasted no time, "Ten milligrams cordrazine. We'll use it in conjunction with the cortical stimulator." Kes handed the equipment over to him, marveling at how fast he seemed to be moving, even for a hologram. She wanted to tell Chakotay and the others that on her screen, things weren't as grim as they seemed. "Now!" the doctor commanded. Kes activated the device on Kathryn's forehead. The jolt swept through the captain's brain and her muscles jumped in response. The Ocampa quickly read the feedback flooding her computer monitor, "No pulse. No blood pressure. Minimal activity in the midbrain. No measurable response in the cerebral cortex." The doctor didn't hesitate, "Again." Another energy surge was delivered. A fluting tone started sounding on Kes' board. She could barely contain her smile, "Doctor, we're getting a thready pulse." "Quickly! Seventy five milligrams ineprovoline! I'll begin direct synaptic stimulation." The lifesign tones were music to Chakotay's ears. He stood immobile, holding his breath. Janeway moved closer to the bed, staying near. The doctor administered the injection Kes gave him. A dissonance jarred the tones, "Pulse is weakening. We're losing her again." Kes voiced, her professionalism slipping. "Cortical stimulator. Now!" the doctor ordered, opening a medical tricorder to verify Kes' findings. The diagnostic computer functioned. Kathryn jerked and was still..... -------------------------------------------------------------------------- A steady note interrupted the lifesign tones and Kes knew heartbreaking failure, "No vitals signs. No brain activity." Kes glanced at Chakotay's face and read the disbelief on his features. Unseen and wraith-like, Janeway's mirrored his own and she was mute. "Again!" came the command. Again the captain's body felt energy. Kes began steeling herself. The computer showed that there was no hope. Her friend had slipped away... "No change!" she said. The doctor was more tenacious, "Again!" "Doctor!" Kes began. "Don't question me! Again!" he snapped. Kes obeyed in spite of the fact of the irreparable damage display rearing its ugly head on her screen. Janeway gripped the bed console as the person she thought was herself, moved one last time. The steady note from the monitor screen was unbroken and bore mercilessly into Chakotay's head. Then the doctor grew quiet and closed his tricorder. He had seen Kes's data, "Make a note in the log. Death occurred at 0320 hours. Cause: Massive cerebral vascular collapse." Chakotay didn't say one word and he left quickly. Janeway watched him leave and her heart felt ripped from her chest. Numb, she tried to communicate with her ship, Voyager, "Computer, confirm Janeway voice pattern." There was only silence while Kes and the doctor began to put their equipment away. Her fright threatened to overwhelm her. Desperate, Janeway called on Kes' empathic ability, "Kes, you're a telepath. You've been able to sense things others can't." she swallowed, "Kes, ....can you sense me?" The Ocampa didn't look up. Then the doctor got her attention instead. He spoke to her quietly, "Kes,...please go to the science lab and prepare the autopsy protocols." Kes fled immediately and Janeway followed after her. In her haste, the captain didn't notice that she had walked right through the closing bulkheads like mist... Kes navigated the corridor on automatic, deep in remorse. Janeway twinned her pace, determined to reach out to her, "I'm here, Kes. I'm staying with you until you realize it." Everything had happened so fast. Kes started to walk faster. Captain Janeway had been with her most of her life. It was hard to believe she was really gone. She had seen Commander Chakotay leave sickbay and knew that her own pain was nothing like his. Grief welled up unbidden, but Kes ruthlessly crushed it down. Janeway saw Kes beginning to lock out her surroundings. That couldn't happen. She needed someone who didn't believe what had occurred in sickbay. Especially someone with Kes' abilities. People would listen to her. She had to do something now... Her hands just fogged through Kes without effect. Frustrated, Janeway stepped out in front of her. For a moment, Janeway actually flinched in anticipation of colliding just as Kes moved through the point where she was standing. The young girl stopped, wrapping her arms about herself as she felt a change around her, like an echo of something nearly familiar, "...Captain?" she asked in a small voice. She turned and looked back the way she had come. Janeway stood in line of sight with Kes only inches away, "Did you feel that, Kes? It was me...." Kes shivered and saw no one else around her that would account for the sensation she had felt a few moments ago. And that sensation had been unmistakable.... Before she knew it, her hand had tapped her combadge, "Kes to Commander Chakotay. I need to talk with you right away." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- All of the senior officers were present in the conference room to hear a very shaken Kes relate her story. Neelix, too, was listening, determined to simply be there if she needed him. Kes felt exposed as everyone watched her from around the table. But she didn't let that stop her, "...Maybe it was nothing but I had the strongest feeling that the captain was in the corridor with me." Tuvok steepled his hands, "It is possible, that in your distress over the captain's death, you imagined that you were aware of her.." Kes was adamant, "It was more than that. I'm sure of it." Chakotay felt a mix of emotions. His voice was quiet, "In the past, Kes has shown an ability to detect an unseen presence....I think we have to take her seriously." Torres concurred, nodding, "The captain's consciousness might have been phase-shifted out of our reality." Janeway circled the table intently, willing them to believe in her. She saw Tom Paris mull over the idea. If anyone could alter slim odds, it would be him. "She could be in some kind of alternate dimension in subspace." the helmsman reasoned. Neelix was the crew's conscience, "We have to find her somehow." The captain noticed that Chakotay's face was unreadable. Come on, Chakotay, she thought, be convinced... B'Elanna offered the first option, "Harry and I could run a full subspace sweep,..to see if we could come up with anything." Chakotay hid his pain. It had been hard to let her go. All of this discussion was salt in the wound. He had seen Kathryn Janeway die.... But then again.... He threw caution to the wind, "Get on it. It's a top priority. Neelix, help the crew with this. Keep their morale up until we can get some answers." Neelix squared his shoulders, "Yes, sir. Right away." Tuvok caught Chakotay's attention, "Commander. I suggest I work with Kes. I may be able to help increase the range of her perceptions." "Good idea." he agreed, "Tom, we'll take duty stations." The first officer rose from his chair and everyone followed him out of the room. Janeway was pleased with her progress, "That's more like it." Now she knew how to proceed. You simply had to not act dead. It worked with Kes. It would work again... ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Engineering was a hub of activity. Torres had her junior officers bustling. Janeway was hovering over practically every shoulder as she watched them work. B'Elanna looked over at Harry Kim, "I've reconfigured the lateral sensor array to scan subspace." Janeway concentrated on the back of her head, "Don't forget to run the magneton sweep." She leaned against a pillar, folded her arms, and waited. Harry moved near Lt. Torres, setting control sequences, "The forward array is ready to scan for temporal phase shifting, chronoton particles, or field flux." B'Elanna's eyes unfocused and she shivered a little. She found herself obeying a nagging urge, "I'm.... going to activate the magneton scanner. It might pick up an anomolous presence." Behind her, Janeway gave her a pleased nod. Her eyes shone... Janeway was studying the control panel so intently, she almost missed a brilliant flare from the direction of the entryway doors, "Now what?" It was huge, a convoluted ball of twisting energy forming just above the deck. Janeway had seen it before. It was the anomaly... Something moved within it, becoming real. It walked toward her and was vaguely humanoid. Then it solidified into a man wearing Starfleet admiral red.. Kathryn was struck with instant recognition. It was someone she knew...... "Daddy?!" --------------------------------------------------------------------- It was impossible..... Her father was gone. He was a memory sixty eight thousand light years away. Her demeanor was cautiously defensive, "Who are you? Are you responsible for what's going on here?" The apparition spread his hands, "You know who I am, Kathryn." Kathryn bristled, "My father died over fifteen years ago." "Yes. Drowned under the polar ice cap on Tau Ceti Prime." His voice was calm and filled with familiarity, "It was devastating to you." A small part deep inside Janeway relived the worst moment of her life. Her father and fiance' had both been aboard the same prototype ship with her when a wind shear caused it to plummet into the ocean only minutes after takeoff. She had been thrown clear of the debris but hadn't been able to transport them safely away before the rest of the ship sank beneath the dark waters of the sea...it was if her soul had been dragged down with them into death. 'Oh, Mark.....' she mentally cried. Now this man claimed to be her daddy...it was obscene. Kathryn showed she was unconvinced, "You may be an hallucination, or some kind of projection, or my own imagination." The pain sharpened, "But you are not my father......" Her lip trembled. Her daddy stepped forward taking her by the shoulders, "Kathryn,.. Kathryn..." he soothed, "I raised you to be a doubter and a skeptic; to look at the world with a scientist's eye. But, in this instance,.. that won't work." Kathryn studied the familiar creases of his face and asked, "Why not? If you know what's really going on here, tell me.." He let her go. His eyes held genuine concern, "Isn't it clear? You're dead. You died in that shuttle crash." A memory peeled like an onion in the back of her mind. She remembered the impact and hitting her head on her console. The blinding pain had made her stagger out of her seat. She had tried to reach Chakotay, out cold over the conn, but dizziness made her fall onto the floor. A choking fog had sealed off her throat and she remembered beginning to suffocate... 'No air...' she thought. The gas leak was above her.. She had to get away from it.. She had to... Pain! In her chest.....She couldn't breathe.. She couldn't mov-- Then came blackness.... Janeway held up a hand, "No,..no,..no. That's not possible..." she hesitated, her memories suddenly all a jumble in her mind. Her father spoke, "I understand your confusion, your refusal to accept what has happened. I went through the same thing after my accident." "What do you mean?" She wanted to know. He thought carefully over his next words, "I went back to you and your mother, and your sister for a long time after I died,... until I realized it was futile. That's what happens when death is unexpected. One's consciousness isn't prepared to let go." Kathryn was startled to see that his eyes were gray. Her father's eyes had been blue,....hadn't they? She didn't want those details to be clouded already. Unconsciously, she studied her hands, fidgeting with her fingers. She looked up, "Consciousness? Is that what you are calling me? Kathryn's consciousness...?" He dismissed her point, "For want of a better word. Some say ghost or spirit. We've all heard the stories, and thought they were the product of vivid imaginations or self induced hysteria. I'll admit, ...I was surprised to find that they were true." Kathryn narrowed her eyes, "If you stayed with me after you died, you should be able to tell me what happened then.." Her father thought back, his expression a little distant, "You were so grief stricken, you fell into a terrible depression. You spent months in bed, sleeping away your days rather than confronting your feelings. I'm not sure what would have happened if your sister hadn't forced you into the real world again." "If you're an hallucination, a part of me, you'd know these things." she reasoned. Her father looked at Janeway intently, in tight focus, "Kathryn, remember. Several times after I had died, you woke up, thinking I was in the room with you. You told your sister it felt absolutely real. That's because it WAS real. I was there, trying to convince you to get on with your life." That hit a little too close to home... Kathryn blinked, and hid her reaction. She put her hands on her hips, "Just for the sake of argument, let's say you're right. What's next?" He shrugged, "That's up to you...Eventually, you will cross over. The only question is how long it'll take you to give up THIS world." She frowned, remembering her theory from the planet, "Cross over to where?" She felt very uncertain. "I don't know what to call it.....another state of consciousness unlike anything we ever could have imagined in life..." He searched her eyes deeply, "It's not a frightening place, Kathryn. It's full of joy and indescribable wonder." Janeway felt herself half believing him...and it hurt. Her ties to her crew were so strong... She'd feel guilty moving on to a better existence before she saw them home. 'What a bizzarre statement.' she thought. The whole situtation was still just a little beyond her complete understanding.. She twisted away from him, denying what she had learned, She turned to her engineering staff, indicating each one, "Kes sensed I was here.. They're looking for me!.." she insisted. Her father was gentle, "People have felt the presence of ghosts throughout the ages,..but the technology to find them still hasn't been invented.." Kathryn felt a pang as she watched her crew trying to find her. She could almost feel their tumultuous emotions like a raw, tender ache, "They won't give up easily." "But they will eventually." he added softly, "They'll accept what has happened.... And that's what you have to do." Janeway turned to face him, sudden determination set in her tone, "Kes did it once. She can do it again.... I'm going to help her." She was surprised her father offered her no resistance, "If that's what you feel you have to do, I understand." Captain Janeway looked at him searchingly for a long moment, almost lost in his brilliantly sapphire eyes..... Then she broke free. Janeway left engineering... ------------------------------------------------------------------- The stars shone through the window and illuminated Tuvok's quarters with a soft light. Kes was with him in a meld. Kathryn was beside them, very close.. Tuvok began, "Let us try one more time.." his breathing slowed, "Open yourself to the impressions around you; the thoughts, ...the minds that are on this ship." he broadened her scope, "All the minds that are on this ship.." Kes smiled, her eyes closed in concentration, "I hear them. So many voices.." She felt joy in their presence. "They are a turbulent storm and you are the one who must rise above the tempest...to a place that is quiet." All of the sudden, Kes was reliving the time with the captain in sickbay, when she had lost her... Kes' forehead furrowed, her mind slipping, "It is difficult." Tuvok reasserted her focal point, and suppressed her rising discomfort, "You must lift yourself from the confusion of the storm. Soar,... into the quiet place among the stars, where everything is still." She relaxed under the balming effect of Tuvok's mind. Kes felt herself leap as if from a height. She was free... "Yes, I am in that place now." The Vulcan threw her a life line, directing her, "Is there a voice that you can hear? A single voice, isolated in the stillness?" Kathryn willed her heart to Kes, reaching, "Kes, I'm here. Focus on me; on my voice..." She held her breath. Tuvok finetuned his link, helping Kes' search with words, "There are only two beings in the void. You,.. and Captain Janeway... Nothing else exists that can interfere. Can you hear her voice? However faintly?" Kes stretched, questing for the warmth of Kathryn's mind, "I'm trying." Tuvok encouraged her, sensing a proper broadening, "Is there anything?.. Any presence in the void with you??" Kathryn poured out her whole being into believing. Her sense of self pressed into a single point. Kes faltered. Her features flickering into doubt, "I don't think so... I can't hear anything." Frustration muddied her voice. Captain Janeway pushed a little further, "Kes, keep trying.... You have to fi--" Tuvok's voice knifed through Janeway's thought, "Now I am with you, .. moving through the quiet space. My thoughts join with yours....extending the range of the search." Kathryn shifted, focusing on her dearest friend, "Tuvok. Surely you must know I'm here...We've shared so much.." The Vulcan was impassive...until-- Kes broke away, upsetting Tuvok's hand placement. "I'm just not getting anything..." she sighed in impatience. The guise of serenity faded from Tuvok's features, "Nor am I." "It felt empty..." Kes looked down, despondant, "Alone.." She took a quick breath and suddenly felt self conscious at Tuvok's scrutiny. Then she knew. .. Kes stopped denying the very thing she had been running from. "Maybe you're right. What I sensed wasn't the captain...It was me wanting to believe she wasn't dead." Tuvok couldn't fault Kes' logic about her emotion. She had become distressed over her realization which was a sign that she was closer to acceptance. There remained only clarification of the truth, "We have been trying for three days..without success. Nor have Lieutenant Torres and Ensign Kim found any indication that the captain is alive..... There is a point at which we must accept the inevitability of her death." Kes swallowed a bitter pill as he spoke to her about his thoughts. She sat quietly for a bit while she composed herself. Then she met his eyes, " Thank you for helping....I don't think I would have accepted it if you hadn't at least tried." She rose, once more the quiet, thoughtful Kes Tuvok had come to know, "Good night." he wished her.. The doors opened and closed behind her, leaving Tuvok alone with his thoughts. Kathryn saw him move to his terminal, activating its monitor and standing with his hands behind his back, "Tactical Officer's log, supplemental. My attempt to help Kes detect the captain's presence had ended in failure. I am forced to conclude that we have,... in fact,...lost Kathryn Janeway." Tuvok felt an emotion. It had penetrated his control as easily as a pin through paper. He was about to quell it when his natural curiosity made him identify it as.....loss. He added to the log an afterthought to accompany this emotional finding with only a trace of his usual control, "I would like the record to show...that I have lost a good friend as well..... One whom I can never....replace." Kathrn was torn with sympathy to the point of pain, "Oh, Tuvok.." She reached out to him..... "They all love you, Kathryn." her father said. Kathryn whirled to see him standing in the starlight.. "It's going to be hard for them." he admitted. She cried, mentally staggered, "This can't be happening. I don't believe it!" His eyes glinted the shafts of light from the window, "Because you don't want to. " He stepped closer, "Tommorrow, it will become easier." A knife twisted in her heart. Kathryn's eyes widened, and she whispered, "My memorial service...." ---------------------------------------------------------------------- They had all come, gathered in the bridge officer's lounge. The walls were ringed with colors of blue, yellow and red uniforms. Janeway had come, too, finding herself unable to stay away. B'Elanna Torres stood in the middle of the room, giving a eulogy, "...When I came to this ship,.. I resented the fact that Captain Janeway was responsible for our being stranded here in the Delta Quadrant........I didn't think that she had made the right decision," she paused, brushing hair away from her eyes, "And I certainly didn't want to serve under her command. In the beginning,...I fought her.." her face twisted in guilt, "...even when she made me Chief Engineer..I-..I didn't trust her reasons, I ...kept looking for a hidden agenda. I actually believed that she'd set me up to fail...." B'Elanna studied the floor and crossed her arms, "Well, I couldn't have been more wrong....She saw.. She saw something in me that I didn't see...She saw a worthwhile person where I saw a lost and hostile misfit....And because ..she had faith in me,...I began to have faith in myself... And when she died,... the first thing I thought of was that... I couldn't do this without her...that I needed her...too badly with her strength...and her compassion.. .But then I realized that the gift she gave me......" The admission brought tears that B'Elanna swept away, "And gave a lot of us here...was the knowledge that we are better and stronger than we think.... I wish I had said these things to her...I wish I had taken the time..." Stricken, B'Elanna surrendered the floor. The pain was very real, Janeway thought, for herself to be actually dead and not supposed to be able to feel anything. Maybe it was remembered empathy. But she didn't believe so. Kathryn was still too close to life... Her engineer's face said it all for her. The captain wanted to hold her and let B'Elanna know that she had been heard. But she already knew the futility of trying that. There was a murmur in the room that made her look up. Chakotay had taken a place in front of her, "Would anyone else like to say something?" Harry Kim broke the silence, "I would, sir." Chakotay nodded, giving him room. Harry didn't quite know where to place his hands. He decided to leave them at his side, "I know that Captain Janeway wouldn't want us to sit around here moping.." he encouraged, "She'd want us to be cheering each other up, remembering the good times...like on the away mission where we found those bushes of overripe fruit.." Everyone in the room easily recalled that day. "I must've have eaten half a kilo..My hands and mouth were all purple.....And the captain....." He smiled as he remembered, "The captain came and sat down next to me and...and her mouth was all stained, too......." Suddenly, Kathryn found everything unbearable. Tears streamed down her face. That day had been the day she decided that she'd really live for her crew. That very moment with Harry had been when she made him a part of her...over memories of her fiance, Mark, or her father. Harry was still too young to be away from everything he knew.... It was then Kathryn had vowed that she would become his family until she brought him back home to them.... Harry's smile was warm as he recollected his memory, "She put her arm around my shoulder....and she said.." Harry's expression became one of profound sadness. "...and she said,..Ensign, these are the times we have to remember...I-It ..It ...I'm sorry.." Harry lost his ability to speak in his grief. Tom Paris came to his side and led him into the shelter of the group. Janeway barely saw Chakotay fill their gap, "I know this hasn't been easy. But I think we'll all be better for it.." Her first officer stood at attention, "We will honor the captain one last time..." He faced the star filled windows and waited for everyone to do the same. Then he tapped his combadge, "Release the pod." A bosun's whistle sang a out a salute as the torpedo bearing Captain Janeway's body was sent into space. Chakotay had something more to say, "Ensign Kim was right when he said the captain wouldn't want us to be sad. Neelix has prepared some food...and it would be nice if we could all get together and share the good times we had with Captain Janeway." He held out a hand toward the banquet table and everyone was dismissed. Kathryn Janeway watched the place where the pod had disappeared into the distance until her eyes started stinging. She felt an arm placed around her, "It's over, Kathryn. There's nothing left for you here. Come with me...." her father offered. Kathryn let herself be led and murmured weakly, "What do I have to do to leave here?" Her father was curt, "Just decide. The only thing that keeps you, is your refusal to leave.." Kathryn turned to him, "You may be right in everything you've said to me. But I'm not ready to accept it. I'm not ready to go.." She glanced back toward everyone at the tables. "My poor little bird.." he said to her, "You always made it hard for yourself. If there was a rocky path and a smooth one you chose the rocky one every time.." Kathryn whirled. Her father was a bitter source for that ridicule. But he was right as always. She softened, and sought to explain her point of view, "If I stay, perhaps it will be easier for them. Maybe I could be comforting somehow.." "You're saying all the things I told myself when I refused to leave you.. I was hoping you wouldn't have to go through that." He took her hands into his own, "It's a horrible existence, Kathryn. As time wears on, you begin to see how...potent.. how destructive loneliness is. You'll see all the people you love going on with their lives,.. doing all the things you used to share with them but you won't be a part of it any more. You'll be forever shut out of their existence. It becomes agonizing. I don't...want that to happen to you.." Kathryn bit her lip, "Maybe that's what it'll take for me to make the decision. I just know that now, I'm not ready." Her father held his hands wide, "What can I do to convince you?" Kathryn was impatient, "Nothing. ...I can't...I won't abandon them.. We're too much a part of each other, can't you see that?" She moved among her friends, watching their faces, ..Harry's, ..Chakotay's,...and Tuvok's.. with a growing sense of loss, "They've been through so much together. I have to know what's going to happen to them.. To see Kes continue to grow and learn..to know if Tom and B'Elanna will ever stop sparring with each other and develop a real friendship." He grew firm in his facts, "You can only be an observer in their lives. Never a participant." She felt a spark of anger, "I don't care. I'd rather be here in spirit than not at all. A captain doesn't abandon ship!" Her father grew equally stubborn, "Every hour you stay here makes it that much more difficult to leave!" Kathryn looked at him closely. His voice had become sharper, "Why are you pushing me? I've made up my mind,.. I'm staying here!!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------- She was on the planet. Lightning was her guide to the sky. Janeway heard voices above her and felt a terrible wind against her skin. There was trouble here and the voices' tones reflected it.. She opened her eyes for a second and saw three faces ringed above hers. It was the doctor. And he was talking about her she was sure of it, "The cortical stimulator is working. I'm getting a weak pulse." Chakotay sounded exhausted, "She's coming back!" Green and red lights blinked near her chest. It was a bioprobe, "I'll use cordrazine along with the stimulator..." the doctor shouted over the gale. Kathryn felt a hypospray press against her neck. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Captain Janeway was back, locked in confrontation with her father on Voyager. She shook her head to clear it, "What was that?!" Kathryn gasped, "What happened?" He stared at her without moving, "What do you mean?" She remembered, "I saw Tuvok and Chakotay and the doctor.." "Here?" He seemed surprised. She shook her head, "No, it was different as though, as though I were looking up at them." He was quick to refute her words, "An hallucination like the others." Janeway whispered, thinking, "Oh, it didn't feel like the others. I didn't see myself. I was looking up at them!" Then it all became clear. She was being misled intentionally. She rounded on her father, "That's the real me, isn't it? Lying on the ground on that planet, dying... and THIS is the hallucination. THIS isn't real.." All signs of gentleness were gone. Her father's tone was flat and coarse, "More denial. You're only making it harder on yourself." Kathryn felt her guard go way up. Something wasn't right with him, "You're trying very hard to convince me. Why is that? If what you are saying is true, why not let me come to the decision on my own?" His voice was strained, full and angry, his tone belied the meaning of his words, "I'm trying to save you unnecessary pain." Kathryn took a step backward, "My father would never act like this. He always believed I had to learn my own lesson; make my own mistakes... He would never try to shield me from life... Why would he try to shield me from death?" she reasoned. Captain Janeway had been blind. She had been fooled by a real pro, "You're not my father.. I could be imagining you, but somehow, I don't think so. You have such a specific agenda. You're determined I go with you somewhere.......Who are you?!" she demanded. She then noticed his eyes were amber. All the animation was gone from his body. He was stiff limbed and sharp before her, "I'm trying to help you. Stop fighting me." he voiced flatly. Her "father" wasn't human. Now, she saw that, "Are you an alien being of some kind? Is that it?" Janeway probed cautiously. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Lightning ripped around her. She was in pain but they were trying to help her. Kathryn wished with all her might to see them again.... Chakotay shouted, "Her eyes are open!" The doctor glanced at his med tricorder, "Her vital signs are responding, 60/30." Tuvok was sensing the duality in the captain, "But the entity is still inhabiting her cerebral cortex, impeding your treatment." Chakotay spoke to her, "Kathryn ! Hang on! We're bringing you back. Just fight a little longer.." The doctor brought an active neural inducer down over her face, "Direct neural stimulation might drive out the alien presence." The device's glow filled her eyes. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Kathryn glared at the man who had claimed to be her family. Her dislike for him began to grow in leaps and bounds, "I was right. I heard Tuvok, Chakotay and the doctor. You're an alien. You've created all these hallucinations, haven't you?" The anomaly flowered into existence behind the man. Its mass was swollen and it bloodied the air around it. Its color matched the malevolence of its owner, growing more grotesque by the minute... Janeway tensed; not knowing what it would do to her if she got too close to it. The creature was only a parody of her father now. The tendrils of the anomaly seemed to caress him as he spoke. His voice was crass, " This is what my species does... At the moment just before death, one of us comes to help you understand what's happening, to make the crossing over an occasion of joy." Janeway threw her head in disgust at the anomaly, "And what is that?" The entity shifted his eyes over his shoulder and then back again to fix upon Kathryn with a fierce intensity, "Our matrix, where your consciousness will live.. I was being truthful when I said it was a place of wonder. It can be whatever you want it to be." Captain Janeway was charged with indignation, "Then why didn't you tell me this from the beginning? Why pretend to be my father?" "Usually people are comforted to see their loved ones. It makes the crossing over a much less fearful occasion. I've done this, many times...But I've never encountered one so resistant.." Kathryn felt herself be drawn in by his eyes.. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Kathryn was suffocating in her mind. Her body was leaden and she couldn't move. She could only listen to her crewmate's frantic words. The audio output on the doctor's scanner soured, "Something's happening! The alien presence is getting stronger!" Chakotay was a beacon, "Fight it, Kathryn. Fight it just a little longer!" The doctor had another idea, "I'll have to try a thoron pulse." Kathryn felt a vibration begin deep in her brain. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The transition back to delusion was a longer one this time. Janeway used the information provided to her and channeled all of her fury into a tight little ball, "My people are telling me to fight! They're trying to save me!" "They're trying out of desperation. It's hopeless." he snapped. Kathryn advanced on him in cold measured steps, "You're the one who sounds desperate. I don't get the feeling that you're trying to make me comfortable. You're only interested in my agreeing to come with you." "Because it is inevitable." he boasted. Her hate knew no bounds and she looked at him in the eye, "You don't strike me as any kind of good samaritan. You're more like a vulture, preying on people at the moment of their deaths when they're most vulnerable." She saw the smugness wash away from his face in a wave, "I've waited for you. I've been patient." he said. "But your patience is wearing thin." she hissed, "What's the real reason you want me in that matrix? Some how I don't think it has anything to do with everlasting joy!" The attack came quickly. The entity's arms shot out and Kathryn's shoulders were pinned. They were face to face. Janeway stiffened but then felt his fingers go through her like putty. He was weakening! She suddenly knew that his talk was louder than his bite... She fairly laughed at him as he spoke, "You must go with me." "If you could force me to go, you would've done it already. You need me to agree, don't you? I have to go voluntarily.." she guessed. "Wouldn't that be better than standing here in this endless debate?" The color of the alien's eyes shifted, flickering from amber to blue, to gray.. Kathryn saw her moment and she took it; she called his bluff, "Let me tell you this.......We could stand here for all eternity and I will never chose to go with you!!" she snarled. The anomaly flared crimson and boiled as he flung her away from him. "You're in a dangerous profession, captain. You face death every day. There will be another time and I'll be waiting..." The alien bloated and his form writhed as he sifted away, "Eventually, you'll come into my matrix and you will nourish me for a long, long time...." Janeway watched him leave down a long, flaming tunnel that receded into the wall, "Go back to hell, coward..." she cursed. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- She was on her back. Kathryn gasped, suddenly able to breathe. She made a noise. "Kathryn?" It was Chakotay, blessedly near. The doctor's smile was tangible, "I'm no longer detecting the alien presence. Vital signs are responding. Blood pressure 110/65." Kathryn Janeway moaned and consciousness came flooding back. She became fully aware of Tuvok, Chakotay and the doctor crouched above her and the absence of the alien's oppression, "Doctor?... What happened?" The hologram removed the cortical stimulator from her head and smiled, "Perhaps you can explain, commander." Chakotay came into her line of sight, "You and I were caught in a magnetic storm and crashed here. You were badly injured. The doctor just arrived on the shuttle with Tuvok and began treating you." Tuvok raised an eyebrow, "As he was doing so, we detected an alien presence within your cerebral cortex. It appeared to be preventing our attempts to heal you." The doctor helped her to sit, "Eventually, it was dislodged. But there were a number of times I thought we'd lost you." Chakotay steadied her until she was upright, "But each time, you seemed to fight back..." "He kept telling me to let go, " she said, feeling the tingle of a healed gash on her forehead, "But I wouldn't." Tuvok was curious, "He?" Kathryn told him, "My fa-- the alien. He wanted to take me into.....another place." "Another place?" Chakotay asked, "Some kind of afterlife?" Captain Janeway saw it coming... At the next available opportunity, her executive officer would be discussing that bit of news with his animal guide. Kathryn's smile hurt, a little, "Maybe. But I can tell you this,... from what I saw, it's certainly not where I'd like to spend eternity." Chakotay and Tuvok helped Janeway to her feet while the doctor retrieved the two medical kits from the ground. The three of them made their way out of the crevasse, walking slowly to accomodate Kathryn's aches. She leaned on her first officer, feeling awfully glad to be alive.... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Voyager sailed serenely on course while Kathryn dictated her log, "Captain's log, Stardate 50518.6. The doctor has examined me thoroughly and pronounced me physically fit. But I'll admit that it will take a little longer to work through the emotional impact of my experience." She took a sip of decaffeinated tea and proof-read her log entry. Her door chimed when she was about halfway through, "Come in." Chakotay entered, his hands respectfully behind his back. He frowned when he saw her, "I could've sworn I heard the doctor tell you to take it easy for a few days..." he chided. Janeway didn't look up, "Taking it easy always makes me feel worse." "You shouldn't push yourself." He paused, as he handed her the long stemmed apricot rose he had concealed from her sight. "You've been through a lot." Kathryn put down her computer padd and accepted the gift graciously. She inhaled its delicate fragrance before the expression on her face clouded, "To tell you the truth, I'd rather stay busy than dwell on what happened." Chakotay was supportive, "I can understand that." He watched she went over to the table in the middle of the room to pour herself another cup of tea, "I can't help thinking about it. That alien; his matrix.. He was like the spider that had to lure a fly into his web." Kathryn sighed, mulling over a concept, "Do you think it's possible...that the near death experiences we've heard about are the result of an alien inhabitation?" Chakotay shrugged, "That's a little hard to believe." The captain didn't finish another sip of tea which suddenly appeared unappetizing, "I hope so. I prefer to think his species was unique to the Delta Quadrant and that I've seen the last of him." Chakotay put on his best smirk, "I'm sure that's the case. After going head to head with Kathryn Janeway, he must have realized that he'd met his match." She couldn't help smiling... Once again Commander Chakotay had dragged her out of the muck. Then she recalled the promise she had made to herself one or two hallucinations ago, "Come on, Chakotay,.." she invited. She abandoned her rose and her teacup. At his puzzled glance she replied, "I cheated death. That's worth a little celebration, don't you think? A bottle of champagne... a moonlight sail on Lake George? How does that sound?" His quiet chuckle was genuine, "Like something worth living for.." Chakotay invited her to proceed him out the door of the ready room with a sweep of his hand but Kathryn got in her no-after-you gesture first. They left her unfinished log behind in high spirits.... END -------SPECIAL EPILOGUE----------- below....... Tiny "Coda" Scene Addition Written by a fan of Coda... author unknown.. His heart was pounding wildly in his chest. His mind raced, 'What could he do? What should he do? Just keep breathing for her. ' "Damn it, Kathryn! Don't you die on me!" Anguish. Despair. The sudden, jolting realization that she was dead. "NO!" Chakotay sat bolt upright in bed, drenched in sweat from his nightmare. Gasping, he sat, trying to recover from the fear. *She's okay, she's just on the other side of the wall.* He sat for a few more minutes, letting his body return to a more normal state before standing and heading towards the bathroom. He had only taken a couple of steps when his door chimed. "Come in." He said, knowing instinctively who it was. "Chakotay, are you all right?" Kathryn entered, dressed in her duty uniform. "I heard you shouting." He saw the concern, etched with fatigue on her face. "Yes, I'm all right. I'm sorry I disturbed you." 'Keep her at arm's length.' he thought, folding his hands behind his back. It didn't work. Kathryn walked over to him and placed her small hand on his bare arm. "Chakotay, I'm not here as your Captain, I'm here as your friend. Please, talk to me." He sighed, then moved over to the couch and sat down. She walked over and sat next to him, her left hand linking with his right hand. Neither one spoke for a few minutes, just content to sit together, lost in their own thoughts. Finally, Chakotay leaned back on the couch and pulled Kathryn back with him, cushioning her head on his shoulder. "I was dreaming...dreaming that I'd lost you." He was trying hard to control his roiling emotions. "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been able to fight that alien off." He shuddered involuntarily. Kathryn's heart clenched in her chest, and she leaned her head back slightly to catch his eyes. "I did come back, Chakotay. I did fight . You pulled me back. When I saw you trying so desperately to save my life, I knew how much you cared. And that made me fight harder." He smiled at her, then tenderly ran his hand down her face. "I love you, Kathryn and I couldn't imagine my life without you. I'm only sorry that it took almost losing you to discover how much I care." Her answering smile lit up her beautiful face. "I love you too, Chakotay." She reached up, and pulled his face down to hers and kissed him. FIN